you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
