Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
