Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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