Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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