Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
