Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Randomize
