Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
