The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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