it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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