All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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