I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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