I'm lost and stupid without you.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
