i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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