Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
