I bet he comes in French.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
