fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Screwed.edu
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
