So drunk its hurt
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
