If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
