my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
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