oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
