apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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