Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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