and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize