Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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