Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
