I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
