You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
