On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
