Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Bring me that man meat
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
