white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
