Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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