I think I am morally bankrupt
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
