I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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