ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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