I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
