after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
