when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
