theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize