he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
