this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
