is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
