"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
