Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Randomize
