i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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