A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I have fence marks all over my body
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