All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
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