I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
