I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
