i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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