Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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