so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
PS: I just woke up from my shower
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
