He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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