Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
