paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
