She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
