my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
