So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
