oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
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