we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Found the puke drawer
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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