Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
