i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
