you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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