can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
