from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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