You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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